Death Eaters in a Meeting
by Little Timmyx
Summary: In which the Death Eaters discover the true power of a Silly Potion. Over a dozen Death Eaters are trapped in a boring meeting with Silly Potion just beginning to affect them. Hilarity ensues for all but Voldemort! Rated T because I'm paranoid. Some action and insults, no swearing. Takes place during the Deathly Hallows, contains spoilers.
1. The Value of SPEW

**Hey readers, please review. I am always trying to improve my writing, so don't be shy with the criticism! Now I may have opened the floodgates for hate comments...CONSTRUCTIVE CRTICISM ONLY, PLEASE! Thank you, and please enjoy the story.**

"Wake up, Ron!" hissed Hermione, taking a break from folding clothes with her wand. When his only response was a snore, she rapped him over the head sharply with her copy of _Hogwarts, A History._ Ron snapped awake.

"But Mum, it's Saturday and the purple leprechauns are-" Ron opened his eyes and saw Hermione glaring at him. Ron cringed.

"Well, Ronald," snarled Hermione, "when you're finished with your nap, perhaps you will be willing to assist us with our preparations?"

"Gimme a break, Hermione," yawned Ron, "we've been packing since midnight!"

"At least Harry and I-" Hermione broke off when she saw Harry snoozing on the carpet. "Harry!" she snapped, dropping _One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi_ on his face.

"OW!" cried Harry, bringing a hand to his bleeding nose. Hermione rolled her eyes.

"_Episkey,"_ she whispered, pointing a wand at his nose. "Honestly, how do the two of you expect to find all the," she glanced at the door furtively, checking for shadows, "_Horcruxes_ if you don't pack?" she continued in a whisper.

"You've got us working like house elves!" Ron complained, then clamped a hand over his mouth. Harry winced in preparation for Hermione's house elf rights tirade. However, Hermione just sat on the bed whispering to herself.

"House elves..._house elves! _Of course! _Muffliato!"_ she pointed her wand at the door, allowing the three some privacy. "Pokey!" she called. With a loud _CRACK! _a withered house elf wearing socks on both ears appeared and bowed low.

"Pokey at your service, O Exalted Chairmistress!" she croaked, her long, pointed nose scraping the floor.

"Blimey!" gasped Ron, "Hermione? You own a house-elf?" Hermione gave him a glare that would curdle milk.

"Of course not!" she snapped, "This is Pokey, head of the Committee of Messengers! You know, for S.P.E.W!" At the mention of the organization, both Ron and Harry rolled their eyes. "Pokey here," continued Hermione, ignoring their exasperation, "helps other elves free themselves from the chains of servitude!" Harry and Ron cast bemused looks at the groveling elf. "It's...a work in progress," admitted Hermione sheepishly.

"How will Pokey buy us any time?" asked Harry.

"Pokey," Hermione addressed the elf kindly, "will you take this," she pulled a small crystal bottle from her robes, "and drop it into the food at Malfoy Manor?"

"Of course, Chairmistress! Your wish is my command!" squeaked Pokey delightedly. With a loud CRACK! she Disapparated.

"You don't have to call me Chairmistress!" called Hermione after the elf.

"What was in the bottle? Was it poison?" asked Ron eagerly.

"No," sighed Hermione, "they probably have house-elf food tasters," her fists clenched, "so they would know if it was poison. I had to use something that was technically harmless, something that could slip past a food taster."

"So?" prompted Harry.

"_Leviculus Humere,"_ said Hermione.

"Geseundheit," answered Ron. Hermione groaned.

"It's a potion! Commonly known as...Silly Potion." Harry and Ron looked incredulous. "Sorry! It will definitely buy us time, though! They won't be able to get anything done!" she said brightly.

"Time will tell," said Harry doubtfully.

**Indeed it will, Harry...Indeed it will. MWA HA HA HA HA!**


	2. The Potion Takes Effect

_The two men appeared out of nowhere, a few yards apart in the narrow, moonlit lane. For a second they stood quite still, wands directed at each other's chests, then, recognizing each other, they stowed their wands beneath their cloaks and started walking briskly in the same direction._

"News?" asked the taller of the two.

"Nobody votes anymore, the stock market's down, and the Internet's too darn slow!" whined Severus Snape. Yaxley stopped walking.

"What?" he asked incredulously.

"I said nobody votes anymore, the stock market's down, and the Internet's too darn slow!" whined Snape again. Yaxley rolled his eyes.

"I meant news regarding the Dark Lord," he clarified through clenched teeth. Comprehension dawned on Snape's face.

"Our government's corrupt, there's persecution everywhere, Hogwarts is unsafe, and the Internet's STILL TOO DARN SLOW!" whined Snape. Yaxley sighed.

"That's three out of four, Severus." Suddenly, a white figure appeared in the trees. As the moon came out behind a cloud, the white figure was revealed to be a peacock. "Always did himself well, Lucius. _Peacocks." _he snorted, thrusting his wand back into his cloak. He quickly turned around. "Severus? SEVERUS?"

"Is it gone?" whispered Snape, peeking out from behind a bush.

"It was just a peacock."

"Yes..." muttered Snape stroking his goatee (**SNAPE HAS A GOATEE IN THE BOOKS, OK?)**, "but peacocks are scary."

"_Petrificus Totalus! Wingardium Leviosa!" _shouted Yaxley, pointing his wand at Snape. The rest of the trip to Malfoy Manor continued smoothly.

* * *

"Severus, Yaxley. You are very nearly late," rasped/hissed/whispered/gargled Voldemort, sitting at the head of a table of masked Death Eaters.

"_Yes, I believe we are,_" rasped/hissed/whispered/gargled Snape in parody of the pale wizard. Everyone at the table giggled. Voldemort glared at everyone.

"Is there a problem?" he raspisspergled.

"_No, there is no problem," _raspisspergled Snape, causing many Death Eaters to burst into laughter.

"Sit down!" snapped Voldemort. Yaxley, who had been trying to pretend he did not know Snape, sat down next to Dolohov, whistling innocently. Snape, however, stubbornly crossed his arms.

"No." he pouted.

"What do you mean, NO!?" Voldemort raspisspergled.

"_I have a sore throat...Preciousss..." _he hissed, barely controlling his laughter. Voldemort turned pink.

"What are you implying?" he snarled.

"_Nothing," _raspissgergled Snape as innocently as possible. "_We hates the Bagginses..." _he added quickly, causing everyone at the table to snicker. Voldemort raised a pale hand. The dark, triangular head of Nagini rose from under the table.

"Sit...down!" he ordered. Snape slouched over to his seat. He exaggeratedly slumped in his chair, heaving a great sigh. When Voldemort opened his mouth to speak, Snape let out a prolonged lip flap. Everyone except Voldemort giggled.

"WHAT UP, SNAPPY SNAPE?" bellowed Yaxley from the other side of the table, his reservations forgotten.

"YO, YO, YO, YACKETY YAX!" screamed Snape.

"_SILENCIO!"_ screeched Voldemort. The Dark Lord forced himself to take deep breaths and count to ten. "What news of the Order do you bring us, Severus?"

"Mmm mmm mh, Mmm mm mh, MHHHHH!" Voldemort sighed and removed the Silencing Spell. "Thank you. Well..." Snape inhaled deeply, "Nobody votes anymore, the stock market's down, and the Internet-" Bellatrix threw a rock at him. It struck home. Well prepared for these incidences (which, oddly enough, had never happened before), Crabbe and Goyle leapt up and forced Veritaserum down Snape's throat.

"_My Lord, the Order of the Phoenix intends to move Harry Potter from his current place of safety on Saturday next, at nightfall." _recited Snape blankly.

"Wait just a bleedin' minute!" Voldemort turned to Yaxley with fire in his slitted eyes. "Er...I mean," Yaxley's tone became sycophantical and oily, "My Lord, I have heard from Dawlish the Auror that the boy will not be moved until the thirtieth." Voldemort opened his mouth to speak.

"Oh, come on!" interjected Snape, recovering from his dose of Veritaserum, "Dawlish is an idiot!" Yaxley glared at him.

"Dawlish, as an Auror, was quite sure of his facts. I heard it directly from Dawlish, after trailing him for days."

"Well, you know what they say," Snape smirked, "Dawlish is an idiot, and phoenixes of a feather flock together!" Yaxley turned dark red.

"OOOOOOOOHHHH! APPLY AGUAMENTI TO THE BUUUURN!" howled Alectus Carrow from the other end of the table.

"What has gotten into all of you?" cried Voldemort. After a few minutes of silence (and some prompting from Nagini), Snape began his report.

"My Lord, Potter will be hidden at the home of one of the Order. The place, according to the source, has been given every protection that the Order and the Ministry together could provide. I think that there is little chance of taking him once he is there, my Lord, unless, of course, the Ministry has fallen before next Saturday, which might give us the opportunity to discover and undo enough of the enchantments to break through the rest," said Snape quickly and nervously, glancing at Nagini. Fortunately, He Who Must Not Be Named seemed pleased with the report.

"My Lord!" called Bellatrix.

"Yes, Bella?" hissed Voldemort with relief. Surely Bellatrix would not say something foolish.

"Snape's using very..._big words, _isn't he?" stage whispered Bellatrix conspiratorially. Voldemort clenched his teeth in outrage.

"Yes..And you can look up all these..._big words..._in this dictionary." Voldemort transfigured a goblet into a large book and tossed it at Bellatrix. As she left the room to look up the words, Voldemort said, "Well, that will get rid of her for a few hours."

"Hours?" asked McNair incredulously, "Surely not-" Voldemort held up a hand to silence him.

"Let's see," came Bellatrix's voice from the next room. "_Enchantment_ starts with...e...so it's under the letter...W! Ah, yes, these dictionary-makers are tricksy sorts, but I can crack their code!" Bellatrix giggled maniacally.

**That's it for now. Anyone who knows where I got Snape's rant about the Internet gets a free virtual Pygmy Puff!**


	3. Of Pranks, Wands, and Water Coolers

"_I have been careless, and so have been thwarted by luck and chance, those wreckers of all but the best-laid plans. But I know better now. I understand better now. I-"_ Voldemort interrupted his own monologue. "What in the Chamber of Secrets are you staring at?" he snapped at everyone.

"My Lord?" squeaked Draco Malfoy tentatively, "Could you possibly remove that body thing from the ceiling? It's er...distracting."

"Oh, please. You are not going to get me to look up with your childish games. Now, as I was saying-" The unconscious body gave a loud moan. Voldemort glared around the table. "I am not amused by your antics. Whoever is using that Voice Throwing Charm will-OH, WHAT IS IT?" he cried, looking up into the face of Charity Burbage. "AAAAAAH!" he shrieked. "It's a BODY! KILLITKILLITKILLITKILLIT!" Voldemort shot _Avada Kedavra_ everywhere until the corpse fell from the ceiling. Nagini dragged the body under the table. Voldemort sighed. (**A/N: If you are a young and squeamish reader, don't worry! Just read the** **next paragraph!)**

* * *

Wormtail giggled from the back room, delighted at the reaction his Ersatz Corpse TM had caused. He quietly reminded himself to order seventy more from Weasley's Wizard Wheezes.

* * *

"As I was saying," continued Voldemort, pretending the incident with the corpse never happened, "I understand better now. I shall need, for instance, to borrow a wand from one of you before I go to kill Potter." The red slitted eyes settled on Lucius. Lucius gulped audibly.

"No volunteers?" said Voldemort. "Let's see..." Lucius immediately stood up.

"ONE TWO THREE NOSE GOES!" he screamed, jabbing himself in the nose with a finger. All the other Death Eaters scrambled to follow suit.

"Nose goes? Nose goes?" Draco screeched in a panic. He finally got his bearings and punched himself in the nose. He knocked himself to the ground and laid there, unconscious. Voldemort looked bemused.

"It appears my decision has been made for me." The pale figure swooped down and picked up the wand. "What is it?"

"Yew, m'Lord!" reported Lucius cheerfully, relieved at his possession of his own wand.

Voldemort nodded approvingly. "And the core?"

"Dragon heartstring!"

"Excellent." Voldemort swished the wand experimentally. He bent low. "_Soon, Nagini," _he whispered in Parseltongue. As he was stroking the great black serpent, all the Death Eaters saw their chance and scurried away. Voldemort straightened. "Where did everybody go?!" he yelled. Muttering darkly to himself, he Apparated from room to dingy room until he found the cloaked wizards and witches clustered around a water cooler.

"CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!" they chanted. Dolohov, who was standing on top of the water cooler, bowed. He raised his wand, and, pointing it at his mouth, he cried, "_Aguamenti!" _The Death Eaters cheered as the endless jet of water poured into Dolohov's open mouth.

"STOP! STOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOP!" howled Voldemort, completely losing control. The cheering abruptly ceased as everyone stared at the Dark Lord. Dolohov was so surprised by his outburst that he lost control of his own wand. The short black wand spun through the air and landed directly in front of Voldemort, still spurting water. After much screaming and spell-firing, Voldemort managed to destroy Dolohov's wand. Dolohov grumped to the corner and pouted (since he had been baby-fied at the Department of Mysteries, he had taken to pouting). Voldemort stood still, shaking and siphoning water off his dripping robes. There was a terrible moment of silence as Voldemort glared around the room. Before Voldemort could say anything, however, Bellatrix wandered into the room with a dictionary balancing on her head, her eyes shut tight.

"Osmosis...ooooosssssmoooossssissss..." chanted Bellatrix. She wandered back out of the room.

"Everyone OUT!" screamed Voldemort. "Out! OUT! OOOOOOUUUUUUUT!" All the Death Eaters except Lucius and Dolohov disappeared hastily with loud CRACKS! Dolohov scampered away; he couldn't Disapparate without a wand. Voldemort glowered at Lucius. "GET OUT!"

"B-but M'Lord, this is _my home_..." stammered Lucius.

"OUT!" Voldemort shrieked. Lucius Disapparated. Voldemort sat on the floor, sobbing. "Why me? WHY ME?"

**Poor Voldemort...Read and Review, guys!**


	4. Dressed to Kill

THE NEXT DAY...

Voldemort decided that it would be safer to postpone the meeting to next week. Unfortunately for and unbeknownst to the Dark Lord, Hermione's Silly Potion was extra-strength. In plumes and swirls of dark smoke, the grim-faced Death Eaters in their twisted masks appeared in their seats.

"My followers," began Voldemort, "we must control the Ministry quickly if the World is to be ours. Regarding the installment of Pius Thicknesse as Minister-" Voldemort stopped when he noticed Snape immaturely waving his arm in the air.

"Ooooh! Ooooh!" called Snape, stretching his arm into the air, "Pick me!" Voldemort ignored him.

"Regarding the Ministry-"

"Oooooh! Oooooh!" Snape shot red sparks into the air with his wand, "Pick me!" When Voldemort continued to stare, blank eyed in the opposite direction, Severus lit a Weasley's Wizard Wheezes TM firework and sent it whizzing around the room.

"AAAAARGGGGH!" screamed Yaxley as a multicolored, sparking fireball emitted a rude noise as it exploded in his face. Voldemort valiantly attempted to keep a straight face.

"As I was saying-" Voldemort saw McNair raise his hand.

"My Lord?"

"Yes, McNair?" asked Voldemort, relieved that a reliably serious Death Eater was asking a question.

"Severus has his hand raised!" declared McNair proudly. Voldemort glared at him, knowing he couldn't ignore Snape now.

"Thank you, McNair," snarled Voldemort, "what do you want, Severus?" Severus put his hand down, grinning stupidly.

"Well, M'Lord, I was thinking, we Death Eaters have pretty fancy robes, haven't we?"

"...I...suppose," said Voldemort, thrown off by the non sequitur.

"Well, we get all these fancy designed robes and puffy shoulders and pretty masks, but all you get are those boring, plain robes! So, I think to myself, 'Severus, how can our organization inspire terror in the hearts of the bravest of the Order?' and I say to myself, 'With a fashionable wardrobe, of course!'"

"What are you talking about?" asked Voldemort through clenched teeth.

"Well, I recently read a really great book, it's called _Robe of Skulls._" Several Death Eaters nodded, murmuring about the book.

"I looooove that book!" squealed Narcissa, "the ending is so interesting! There's this troll, and he-" Crabbe summoned a gag and flicked his wand; the gag wrapped around Narcissa's mouth.

"SPOILER ALERT!" he bellowed.

"Thank you, Crabbe," said Snape, "anyways, in the book, there's this witch who wants new clothes, and she wants this new robe with all these accessories. Maybe we could get you this huge makeover, with skulls and cobwebs and color and Gothic elements!" Snape waited tentatively. Bellatrix snorted. Her lack of any sense of humor or goodness resulted in a faster recovery from the Silly Potion.

"Oh, please!" she turned to Voldemort, "my Lord, we should kill this traitor for daring to speak such nonsense before you, the master of Purebloods!" she cried reverently.

"Hmmm..." Voldemort thought. "It's true, these _rags_ don't suit me," he said haughtily, scowling at his robes, "and the leader of the most feared gang in the Wizarding World should have some classier outfits..." To Bellatrix's outrage, he said, "Well, Severus, we shall see the results of your ideas." Snape cheered.

"YES! Mulciber! Nott! The blueprints!"

"The blueprints! The blueprints!" chanted Mulciber and Nott. Snape waited for a while.

"_G_o get them!" snarled Severus. Mulciber and Nott ran into a back room. After a few minutes, they came out with a huge blue scroll of parchment. Voldemort examined the blueprints carefully.

"Interesting..._es muy interesante..._" he looked up. "Do you have a prototype of this robe?"

"YES! Mulciber! Nott! The prototype!" cried Snape.

"The prototype! The prototype!" chanted Mulciber and Nott. Snape waited for a while

"Go get it!" snarled Severus. Within moments, Voldemort was dressed in glittering red and black robes with cobwebs, skulls, and dark green snakes sewn into the design.

"_Mirimago," _hissed Voldemort, conjuring a shimmering, reflective surface that hung in the air. He inspected himself carefully. "I like it!" he declared, "what is your opinion, Bella?" he turned around. "Bella?"

"Mudbloods...filth...fashion designers...we hates them!" hissed Bellatrix from a dark corner.

"You look wonderful, my Lord," said Lucius.

"Indeed," agreed Rowle, "when we attack the Order tonight, those blood traitors will be in awe of your smoking hot style!" Voldemort grinned.

"Why, thank you, Row-" he stopped mid sentence. "TONIGHT?! WE HAVE TO ATTACK THE ORDER TONIGHT? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?"

"I just did-"

"_Crucio!" _Rowle writhed on the ground. Voldemort turned around, adjusting his robes. "Right," he continued briskly, "let's go!" With loud CRACKS!, the Death Eaters disappeared.


	5. Battle Above London, Part 1

"Aaaaaaaaand...GO!" Just as the various flying vehicles of the Order sailed overhead, Voldemort shot skyward, his cloak billowing around him like a dark cloud. Harsh green light burst from his wand, setting one of the broomsticks ablaze. All the Death Eaters stayed rooted to the ground, gazing openmouthed at the Dark Lord.

"He can fly!" gasped Lucius.

"I didn't know he could fly. Did you know he could fly?" Severus asked Dolohov.

"I knew he could fly!" bragged Bellatrix. Everyone stared at her. "Okay, I didn't," she mumbled.

"How come we can't fly?" asked Macnair indignantly.

"Don't worry!" assured Nott, "all we need is faith...trust...annnd..." he nudged Goyle expectantly.

"Pixie dust," grumbled Goyle reluctantly.

"Psshaw!" snorted Crabbe, "that's just for Muggles! Snape and I know how to make _wizards _fly!" Everyone gasped.

"Yes, Crabbe and I have devised a way for wizards to fly without broomsticks!" declared Snape proudly. He began passing out colorful little hats.

"Propeller beanies!" shrieked Bellatrix in disgust. She hurled hers to the ground.

"Propeller beanies!" shrieked Narcissa in delight. She joyfully jammed it on her head.

"I would rather take my chances with faith and trust!" Bellatrix leapt into the air, trusting in her faith in the Dark Lord to carry her into the skies.

"_Episkey," _said Lucius, healing Bellatrix's broken nose. Lucius then put on his beanie and joined the clump of Death Eaters preparing for liftoff.

"Death Eater Beanie Brigade, away!" With that, all the Death Eaters zoomed into the air.

* * *

"You reckon we got away?" shouted George Weasley. He was riding over London on a Comet Two Sixty with Remus Lupin.

"Maybe," yelled Lupin, "I think he was following Mundungus and Moody."

"Where are the Death Eaters?"

"Maybe they're up ahead, planning an ambush!" Suddenly, Snape, Rodolphus, Macnair, and Dolohov surrounded George and Lupin. Lupin took one look at their rainbow propeller beanies and burst into fits of laughter**. **Lupin plummeted towards the ground, still wheezing with glee.

_"Sum Saliendum!" _choked out Lupin at the last second. Inches before hitting the ground, he bounced into the air as if there was an invisible trampoline beneath him. "Hello, boys!" called Remus cheerily as he bounced within the Death Eaters' reach. "Cheerio, boys!" called Lupin again as he plummeted downwards. As all the other Death Eaters watched, Snape thought of a trick to play on the now confused George.

"Got your nose!" giggled Snape as he made a grab for George's nose, purposely missing. He then held up his hand to show off the "stolen nose." George's face turned white.

"A-a-abbbu-aa-," he mumbled, scratching the side of his head. Snape looked at his hand in shock. Rather than seeing his own thumb between his fingers, he saw a severed ear.

"Ooops," mumbled Snape, "right, this'll pop back on..." he attempted to shove the ear back into place. When that didn't work, he cleared up the bleeding with a hasty _Episkey, _apologized again, and flew off to observe the rest of the Beanie Brigade.

* * *

"...and he cursed my ear off! I barely managed to defend myself!" recounted George twenty minutes after the "attack." Mrs. Weasley looked shocked.

"Yes, and they jinxed me off my broom!" added Lupin, "then they dove down to attack me again! I just managed to escape them!" The other Order members who had touched down at the Burrow recounted similar stories.

* * *

EARLIER...

"Aw, pretty bird, pretty bird," cooed Narcissa, "can I pet him?" she asked Harry.

"Okay," said Harry nervously. He was still somewhat shell-shocked by the arrival of Macnair, Crabbe, and Narcissa in their beanie propeller hats. With a violent SKWAAAAAAWK!, Hedwig snapped at Narcissa's finger.

"Ouch!" said Narcissa indignantly. She turned to Harry, "you should send your bird to obedience school! How irresponsible are these modern children?" she grumbled.

"Sorry," mumbled Harry sheepishly. Narcissa glared at him for a few moments, then swiped Hedwig.

"You're going to obedience school!" she shrieked gleefully, dragging the flustered owl behind her.

"HEDWIG!" cried Harry.

"Settle down, 'Arry!" said a voice from somewhere over Harry's head. Harry looked up to see Hagrid gleefully hovering in the air with a propeller beanie.

"Thanks, Hagrid!" called Macnair, who had swapped his beanie for the flying motorcycle.

"No, probl'm!"

"HAGRID!" yelled Harry, "he's going to kidnap me!" Macnair looked at Harry in disgust.

"Hitchhikers," he grumbled, pressing a button. The sidecar suddenly overturned, sending Harry plummeting to the ground as Macnair sped off.

"HEEEEEELP!" screamed Harry. Voldemort, who had just finished killing Mad-Eye Moody **(I really couldn't find a way around this one, since Voldemort killed him personally. We will now have a moment of silence for the pure awesomeness that is Mad Eye Moody)**

_**CONSTANT VIGILANCE!**_

"What in the Chamber of Secrets are you doing?" shrieked Voldemort, "we were supposed to kidnap Potter!'

"Not on my motorcycle, you're not!" snarled Macnair, who had swapped his Death Eater robes for a spiked collar, leather jacket, dark glasses, and a bandana. He laughed maniacally as he zoomed away. He was never seen again.

"Never mind," hissed Voldemort, "I will kill the boy." Diving downward, the Dark Lord aimed his wand at the boy's back. There would be no saving Harry Potter now...DUM DUM DUUUUUMMMM

**SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING EARLIER. THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED. I'll update more often now. I promise. :)**


	6. Battle Above London, Part 2

A sense of cold clarity rushed over the Dark Lord. _This is it, _he thought, _I will destroy the final obstacle between me and immortality. _

_"Avada-" _Suddenly, Harry's wand shot gold flames at Voldemort. "What the ! #$%^&^$# ?!" Screeched Voldmort, desperately patting out his new skull robes. "These are handsewn Ungoliant brand cobwebs!" he shouted at Harry, "I'll send you the dry cleaning bill!" The Dark Lord watched as another blast of gold fire snapped Draco's wand in half. "S***!" Voldemort looked around in surprise. "****!" he tried again.

"Censoring Charm, m'Lord!" explained Nott, "there are young ears here, y'know. We've got to keep this K+!"

"No one here is younger than seventeen!" hissed Voldemort.

"I'm sixteen!" volunteered Harry, who was using his own Bouncing Charm to stay alive.

"Shaddup!"

Nott and Voldemort continued to argue as the Order quietly flew to the Burrow.

* * *

"WHAT THE **** WERE YOU THINKING!?" raged Voldemort, pacing the meeting room at Malfoy Manor.

"We weren't, Lord," chorused the Death Eaters sheepishly. Bellatrix stumbled forward.

"My Lord," she whimpered obsequiously, "I tried to enforce your orders, but they wouldn't listen! I urge you to punish them, and I will be your faithful-"

"SHUT UP! I HAVE HAD HAD IT UP TO *HERE* WITH YOUR WHINING AND WHIMPERING!"

"Up to *where*, sir?" asked Snape politely. Voldemort's pale face turned purple and blotchy.

"You look like you're filled with badly mixed currant ice cream," declared Snape, sounding mildly impressed. Voldemort swore loudly and summoned Fenrir Greyback. With a loud CRACK, the werewolf appeared, wearing-

"Why in the Chamber of Secrets," hissed Voldemort through clenched teeth, "are you wearing a _bathrobe?"_

"Well, it's half past noon, innit? Time for me shower! You look like you could use one too, eh?" he babbled, noticing the Dark Lord's scorched robes, "Nice threads, by the way, reminds me of this book I once read, called Robe of Skulls! Ah, good times. Reminds me o' me ol' gran, see, back in th' war, she made bangers and mash, and while we was eatin', she brought out this bathrobe, an' she said, 'Well now, this is th' finest robe I ever seen in all me days,' and then she wore it 'till she died, bless 'er. Speakin' o' which, there was this puppy I saw on th' road, an' I kicked it, bein the bad sort I am, an' it swore at me! The blasted dog swore at me! Well, I can' stand for that, so I brought out some milk, honey, pixie dust, an' the complete works of William Shakespeare, an' I-"

"_SILENCIO!" _shrieked Voldemort. Greyback's voice was cut off, but his mouth kept on jabbering. "Use your werewolf skills to track down Potter! Lead the Snatchers to his safe house. Do you understand me?"

"MMMH! Mh mh!" Voldemort sighed and lifted the spell.

"I understand yeh sure as the fungus on me toes!" With that strange analogy, he Disapparated.

**Hey readers! Give me some reviews to tell me how the stories going and how it should continue to go. Thank you!**


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